Mission: Denmother
by Phangirling
Summary: Red Tornado is doing undercover work overseas for the League and Green Arrow's been volunteered to take his place as attending denmother for everyone's favorite young heroes. Let the insanity commence.
1. The Mission

_A/N: Well hi there! For the past little while I've been writing a bunch of Young Justice drabbles that I've published and have gotten some pretty good reviews on (so I'll be continuing those), but I've also been wanting to try my hands at a simple little humorous chapter fic. This is what I managed to come up with, and I have no idea if it's actually any good and I should continue or not, so if you have the time to review and tell me your thoughts I would really appreciate it! I hope you enjoy._

* * *

Oliver wasn't quite sure how he got roped into this.

One minute, he's putting his best efforts into not falling asleep in the middle of the Batsy's blathering on about this, that, and the other thing, and the next he's being volunteered to go play babysitter to the rugrats while Tornado's off on some top secret mission. He's pretty sure Dinah's to blame, but since he values his life he'll just stick with quietly grumping about it for now.

It wasn't like he disliked kids or anything. Kids were all well and good with him if they didn't cause too much trouble and weren't annoying. Plus, he did enjoy being a mentor a lot of the time. Nonetheless, none of that meant that he wanted to spend his precious time cooped up in old Mount Justice making sure J'onn's niece was still a virgin with Little Clark running around and Barry's kid didn't accidentally start eating his friends because he thought they were food. He had his own life for justice's sake! He had things to do, people to see, cities to protect and whatnot.

But of course, Dinah had insisted that Star City would get along just fine without him for a week, which was how long he was to be "acting supervisor to the team" as she had put it. Up until then, he had his suspicions that she took her job as their combat trainer way too seriously. Now, at least, he could be sure of it. Considering she was the only person he would have to see and there wasn't actually any things he had to do, his fate was pretty much sealed then.

Are heroes allowed to make posts on FML?

* * *

After the meeting finally came to a close, Bruce escorted him from the Watchtower to Mount Justice via the zeta tubes. Dinah didn't come along, saying instead that she would go to Star City and get him a few essentials for the week while he got acquainted with the group. He hoped she wouldn't forget a helmet. And a first-aid kit. And tranquilizers. Lots of tranquilizers...

The brief trip ended with a flash of bright light and a familiar monotonous voice announcing their arrivals at the Cave. Oliver barely had enough time to get a look at the main room when he and the Bat were bombarded by a certain freckle-faced speedster.

"Hey Batman! Got a mission for us? We would ask Red Tornado but no one's seen him since we all got here after school today. That's pretty weird because he always takes the time to at least say hey before disappearing to go do whatever it is he usually does. I've been doing my best to keep everyone calm, but seeing as we're starting to run out of food now even I'm getting a little concerned. Has he - "

Oliver promptly zoned out, but the kid just kept talking. If his memory and the little redhead's mouth served them both correctly, it would be a while before Kid Flash actually canned it unless someone intervened. Those days where he, Roy, and Robin were inseparable ended a long time ago now.

"I'll explain everyone once you bring the rest of the team in here." Out of habit, he snapped out of his musings and straightened up immediately upon hearing the Bat's voice. Kid seemed to do the same thing before dashing off.

Not even five minutes later, Oliver found himself on the receiving end of six blank stares. His discomfort was slowly rising until the Martian spoke up.

"What's Green Arrow doing here?" she asked.

"Yeah, is everything okay?" Artemis added, looking mildly worried.

"Everything's fine." Batman deadpanned before Oliver had a chance to respond. "Red Tornado is currently overseas on a top secret mission for the League. Green Arrow has agreed to act as your supervisor until he returns."

"Until he returns...?" What happened to one week?

For a moment, no one said anything. Then Artemis' face broke out into a small smile.

"Cool. It'll be nice having you around." Murmured agreements spread among the group, which Batman apparently took as his cue to make a silent exit the same way that he came.

"Okay, so what am I supposed to be doing then?" For one reason or another, that managed to shut everyone up. Lucky for him, though, he had Artemis there to help him keep his head screwed on right.

"Well, you know everyone, right?" she asked, but moved to introduce everyone without waiting for an answer. Did they all have to do that? "That's M'gaan, that's Conner, Wally, Kaldur, and Robin." In truth, he hadn't known the civilian names of the Atlantean, the clone, and the alien, making a mental note to commit them to memory for future reference. He was almost positive he wouldn't be able to get through the week without chewing every single one of them for something or other at least once.

"Right. Well, you can call me Oliver I suppose."

"Sweet!" Wally exclaimed. "So Ollie, want to come watch the rest of Texas Chainsaw Massacre with us or do you have to go do paperwork or something stupid like that like Tornado always does? Ow!" he added suddenly when Artemis smacked him on the back of the head. He grimaced at her and she responded with a sneer.

Oliver's eyes narrowed. "Don't you all have homework to do or something?"

"It's Friday night!" Robin replied with a scoff. "Plus, Batman doesn't even let me come over on the weekends until I'm finished with all my schoolwork."

Oliver pondered his answer for a moment or two. He didn't particularly want to watch whatever that movie was, but it would probably be a good idea to observe the kids in their natural habitat and get a handle on which ones he could expect to be a handful over the course of the week. He shrugged.

"Why not?"

* * *

Ten minutes later, Oliver sat in a plush chair in front of the TV with his hood down around his neck and sheath of arrows locked safely locked away with all of the team's gear. Said team sat scattered around him in various positions, all of them with their eyes glued to the large television screen. Oliver considered this an opportunity to get a good look at them.

In the chair next to him on his right, which happened to be closest to the screen, sat Aquala - Kaldur. Despite the fact that he was wearing a jacket with long sleeves, it was easy to see the raw muscle protruding from beneath the fabric. His breathing was slow and calm and his face passive, despite the fact that the man on the television mere seconds ago had just been hacked to bits. Oliver was pretty sure he remembered hearing once or twice that the Atlantean was the leader of this little team. If he didn't even bat an eyelash while watching a grisly murder occur, that was probably a smart move on the parts of the powers that be so long as the guy wasn't about to turn on them or anything, which he readily doubted would happen.

The couch on his other side was completely taken up by M'gaan and Little Clark. It was probably a bad idea to get into the habit of calling him that even in his head, but it was hard to help himself. The kid looked exactly like Clark, straight down to the hulking chest, perfectly messy black hair and impossibly blue eyes. He had one arm curled around M'gaan, who looked outrageously disgusted at what was going on on the television. Her few freckles disappeared when she scrunched up her face and turned her head away from the screen, hiding it in Conner's chest.

He heard a loud sigh from Artemis as this occurred. Oliver made a mental note to have a serious talk about her standards with her later if she was actually interested in the Big Blue Boy Scout's body double.

Sprawled out on the floor just out of reach for Artemis' foot to be able to make contact with his head was Wally and next to him was Robin. They both laid with their arms folded behind their heads to prop them up and their legs stretched out in front of them. Wally looked as enthralled with the movie as Robin did, but with the dark pair of shades the latter had on it was hard to tell what he was thinking. There was no doubting that wardrobe choice was all Daddy Bats and his overprotectiveness acting up.

As the minutes wore on, Oliver did his best to subtly gather whatever tidbits of information he could manage to deduce. By the time the credits had begun to roll, he had managed to figure out that Kaldur had very dry lips, all attempts he could've made at making sure M'gaan's purity remained intact were rendered useless a long time ago, and he was pretty sure Kid Flash and Robin had little things for each other, but the last one was lacking in concrete evidence.

Someone turned the television off. Slowly, the teens started to shift from their seats. Wally hopped up enthusiastically, threw his arms up over his head, and stretched. "I'm starving." he announced.

"In other news, water is wet." Robin sarcastically retorted as he strode towards the kitchen. Wally darted after him followed by the others. Oliver was fixing to follow the two in hopes that they wouldn't have eaten everything before he managed to get himself a morsel of something when Wally screamed.

Immediately, he leapt up from his chair and raced into the kitchen. His heart slammed against his ribs and his chest heaved with hurried breaths as he looked around. Noting that there was no immediate threat to take care of, he took in the sight of Wally gaping at the open refrigerator and Robin looking over his shoulder, frowning in dismay.

"What's going on?" He demanded, striding over at a much calmer pace to stand behind them and survey the problem. He blinked, not quite able to believe what he was staring at.

The refrigerator was empty.

"We don't have anything to eat!" Robin cried, sounding every bit the angry juvenile he possibly could. Wally looked moments away from bursting into tears.

"Not again!" M'gaan called as she entered the room.

"I told you we'd run out of food."

While a noisy argument between the teammates ensued, Oliver sighed.

It was going to be a really long week.


	2. Morning: The U is Optional

_A/N: Hi! So, initially I had planned on making this chapter a lot longer, but then I thought it would take me too long to write everything I had planned and I didn't want to go too long without updating again. I'm aware this is a bit of a filler-type chapter but the chapter that precedes this one should be more exciting. Thank you so much for all of your wonderful reviews and I hope you enjoy!_

* * *

As usual, Oliver awoke to the bright morning sunlight crashing against his lids. As usual, he heaved one of his long-suffering sighs out of his chest and ran a hand over his drooping face. As usual, he sat up slowly, wary of any sore spots he may have acquired while on patrol the night before. As usual, he opened his eyes and blinked away the last vestiges of sleep, his brain quickly catching up to his conscious state.

That was all the normalcy he would be getting today, apparently.

Rather than sitting upright in his own bed in his own place with his own semi-clean bedsheets tangled up around his body, his brain processed that he was in a living room of sorts. It looked somewhat familiar. Dark domed ceilings, the smell of teenage body odor in the air, the constant hum of various fancy machines that had no doubt been running through the night. He had slept on a couch last night. Probably because it was the only place to actually sleep.

Because he was in the Bratcave. Because Tornado was off...somewhere. Because he would be babysitting in his absence. Because his life sucked. Right, it all came rushing back to him.

He groaned softly as he began to remember the previous night in sharp detail. When Kid Hoover had discovered he had eaten all the food they happened to have and was still hungry, not to mention the other six mouths with normal metabolisms that had yet to be satisfied, Oliver had a mild inner panic attack. Luckily, Dinah had arrived minutes later with a suitcase full of his stuff and saved the day as she so often did. She helped the kids compile a grocery list that Wally had no input whatsoever in and then sent M'gaan and Conner into town to get everything. They ended up having three take-and-bake pizzas, countless bags of chips, and a whole army of Pepsi available to them all for dinner. Oliver would be nursing indigestion for months after this week, he was sure of it.

He wasn't happy about it, but he did manage to drag himself out of bed and slip into the nearest bathroom for a quick morning hygiene routine after he was finished reminiscing. He had gotten dressed in some relaxed civvies and was perusing the refrigerator (which was now at least half-full, thank you very much) for some breakfast food when it struck him that it was quiet. Too quiet.

A nearby clock on the kitchen table read 7:50 AM in bright blue letters. Through some miracle of science, he could hear birds chirping and waves tumbling over one another outside on the shoreline. The blinding sunlight that had woken him up earlier was shining even more intensely. He was almost positive there was a beautiful day blooming beyond this room and he hadn't even seen what it looked like out there.

So where were all of those pint-sized misfits?

That was as far as that train of thought had gotten before he got his answer - sort of. M'gaan flew (literally) into the room with a bright smile on her face and tousled hair falling just slightly over her garish pajama top. Conner followed close behind.

"Oh, good morning, Oliver!" the Martian greeted him gaily while her grumpy boyfriend merely spared him a glance before sitting down in a chair by the kitchen counter. Well, he was certainly a real Mister Congeniality.

"Hey." Oliver responded, barely managing to sound half as cheery as she did. He turned his head to watch her mulling over the contents of one of the cupboards until she reached in and pulled out a box of cereal.

"Would you like some cereal?"

"Sure." With a shrug, he shut the refrigerator door and leaned his forearms on the contertop while M'gaan poured two bowls of Corn Flakes.

"Greetings." The deep timbre of Kaldur's voice sunk right into Oliver's skin as the Atlantean strolled into the room, a sleepy yet polite smile on his lips. "I trust everyone slept well?" Affirmations were murmured until he looked appeased and took up M'gaan's previous position in front of the cupboards. A comfortable yet slightly stale silence had settled in the air. It was a familiar, slow Saturday morning feeling that Oliver hadn't experienced in a while and didn't know he missed until right then.

"OUCH!" But of course it had to be shattered in an instant.

The culprit strode into the room wincing and rubbing the back of his head gingerly. Artemis followed instantly, scowling.

"That's what you get for nearly making me trip on nothing, Baywatch." she snarled.

"So not what happened." Artemis didn't reply except for rolling her eyes in disgust when Wally stood next to Kaldur and began chowing down on whatever happened to be within reach. Oliver remembered the bowl of cereal in front of him then and decided to make like the Flashes and eat. Conversations, arguments, and whatnot commenced around him but he didn't involved himself in any of them, not that he wanted to. Teenage drama was something he had enough of for a couple lifetimes.

He had polished off the entire bowl of dry corn flakes by the time he realized something was slightly off. He felt vaguely as though he was forgetting something, but as was the trend that was rapidly developing his own question was answered for him when Robin strode in. The kid had his shades on, the hood of his sweatshirt pulled low over his forehead, and several locks of dark hair poking out from there. He walked groggily to a seat and then slumped over in it, slamming his face down none too gently on the hard surface in front of him.

"It's way too bright out." He declared, voice muffled by his arms when he threw them over his head. ""M'not really feeling the aster."

"So it's true." Oliver mused, smiling. "All Bats aren't morning people."

"Give him twenty minutes." Wally called from his position in front of the kitchen cabinets. In his hands was a box of cereal, the contents of which seemed to be all his face and shirt. Oliver was so not cleaning that up. "He'll come 'round. Always does."

Artemis scoffed as she barely managed to dodge a clump of flying cereal. "Pig."

"Shrew."

"Moron."

"Mouth breather."

"I am not!"

Oliver was contemplating stepping in to defuse the argument, but Kaldur beat him to it.

"Friends!" He interrupted, loud and firm. "Please, I believe you're disturbing our guest."

"Eh, I've seen much worse."

M'gaan took the short silence that followed as an opportunity to share her plans for the day. "Since we won't be having training today I thought it might be a good idea to go to the mall. Conner has already agreed to come with, but would anyone else like to join us?"

"I'll come, but just to window shop." Artemis said with a shrug.

"Yeah, I'll come too." Wally turned and wiggled his eyebrow in M'gaan's direction. "But only for the views."

"If KF's going, I'm going."

"I suppose going on a 'normal' outing for once would be enjoyable."

Oliver was a little shocked. He thought for sure that everyone and their third cousin twice removed would want to try and keep themselves from stepping on the lovebirds' nest. Was that just not a thing anymore? Were parameters for privacy no longer existent? How old was he again?

"What about you, Oliver?"

"Um..." Blinking, he noted that he was a position he found himself in often lately; standing somewhat clueless with six pairs of eyes watching him.

Luckily, Artemis noticed his position and helped him out. The girl was a lifesaver. "We were just wondering if you were going to come to the mall with us."

"I suppose so." Shopping wasn't something he took utter enjoyment in, but he figured that walking around for a few hours would compensate for all of the training he wouldn't get to do this week. Plus, these kids were still oh-so-unfortunately his responsibility.

"Excellent!" M'gaan beamed, flying out of her chair and then out of the nearest door. Conner followed her, and eventually everyone else did after that to go make themselves look presentable (at least, that's what he assumed they'd be doing.) With a sigh, Oliver looked at the mess of crumbs, used napkins and dirty dishes that was left behind and resigned himself to cleaning up the mess.

He was definitely way too overqualified for this.


End file.
